Hello, Beautiful People!

Have you ever fantasized about a dream?

Growing up in North Carolina, where the grass is green and the skies are blue. My favorite song in elementary school was Carolina in the Morning. We sang this song every morning after America the Beautiful. I was so happy to sing these songs in the morning. These songs set the tone for the day. As I was happy to come together as a class and participate in honoring our country. Back then life was way less complicated. All I had to think about was homework and tests. Ahh, childhood...

Well, today I continue to sing songs in the morning. These songs are a bit different, however, they are based on the same concept. Meaning singing myself to my happy place! However, many years ago it was hard to find the right songs to sing. When you daydream of a spectacular life you wish to live. You do not consider the fantasy of the dream any other way. However, when that fantasy is altered, What song can you sing? 

I've written about my son Devan in other posts. When he was 18 months old he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy and a neuro-degenerative disorder. This shattered my fantasy of having the son that would attend a great college and possibly become a doctor. All parents dream scenario, right? Well, we responded to this information by agreeing to give Devan the best life ever! This was easier said than done. I first went through the stages of grief as outlined by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross called The Stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. She states you go through these stages in order. However, I did not go through these stages in order. Since I was grieving fantasy loss rather than an actual death. This could explain why I drifted in and out of each stage and often revisited different stages.  I'm not exactly sure why I did not. Maybe it was due to when I learned about Dr. Kubler-Ross's theory over 10 years after receiving Devan's diagnosis. Nevertheless, these 5 ways helped me while I passed through each stage. 

5 Ways to Overcome Fantasy and Loss

Music

 Some research says singing improves mood, reduce stress and some even say it boosts your immune system. So many inspiring songs helped me through the hard times. Do you have a song that helps you through difficult times? I really wish Pharrell Wiliams was discovered sooner. 

Journaling

Keeping a journal, not just journaling about your experience. But adding gratitude is a major key to finding and maintaining your happy. It also helps with adding meaningfulness to your life. It keeps you focused on what's important.

Meeting with Friends

Social supports are extremely important. Did you know this is why women typically live longer than men? Well, wives living longer than their husbands. Communication! Talking helps reduce stress. Someone should have told this to all my elementary school teachers! I was talking so much to reduce the stress of all those tests and pop quizzes. 

Support Groups

Outside of meeting with your girlfriends. A real support group can be very beneficial. Meeting with other people that share your same experience. Is a great non-therapeutic but cathartic way to reduce stress. Since support groups are not insurance based you can go at your own pace. In addition, you can build lifelong bonds. Personally, I wished I could have joined as a participant first. Instead, I was a facilitator when I did not fully understand what I was going through at the time. 

Prayer

You can call it meditation, prayer or I'm resting my eyes. For me, this was undoubtedly the most important. I am a faith based person and I needed everything I had learned from scriptures to stories to quotes, to give me strength. I have a system called ASAP Always Say A Prayer! 

I hope these tips are helpful!

Now It's Your Turn...

If you have a story of overcoming or if you have some helpful tips. Please share...someone needs it!

Until next time....Be Amazing!

-Ameshica