Hello, Beautiful People!

This week, on my first Optimism Speaks with Ameshica Podcast. I discussed acceptance through "Fantasy Loss". Elizabeth Kubler-Ross a Swiss Pycharitrist was an expert on death and dying. However, I was introduced to her work through the death of dreams not lives. Her work for me had a different meaning. The facilitator of the workshop I attend over 10 years ago. Explained what happens when you have a child and the fantasy surrounding that child dies. For example, For a moment think back to when you and your spouse or significant other conceived. You select the perfect nursery colors, the perfect gender reveal party and picking out the most beautiful name. Then after delivery, your bundle of joy is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or chronic illness. What do you do? Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified that we have five stages of grieving. 

“The stage theroy" Five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." 

When I heard this presentation. It resonated with me as I have a disabled son. That fantasy was all too familiar. I had the baby shower and the agony of selecting the perfect name. Then daydreaming about, Who would he marry? What college would he attend? What will he be when he grows up? All these fantasy questions were a part of my dream for Devan. Once he was born those fantasies slowly vanished one by one. With each doctor visit the closer my husband and I realized our fantasy was lost. Rather than retreat into depression, we decided to give our son an amazing life! No matter, what!  Not fully comprehending the challenges that were just around the corner. The diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy was the scariest word. Until the neurologist attempted to explain that Devan not only had a developmental disability. He has a terminal illness with a prognosis of only 6 months. Perhaps? The neurologists'  best-educated guess, he could probably live to be 2 years old or up to 16 years old. Keyword "could" probably live...Devan was 18 months old when we received this news. Immediately, the stages started, however, they did not go in the order outlined above by Mrs. Kubler-Ross. 

I used "the stages" to address my fantasy loss similar to the way a person would as fantasy loss of a child (stillbirth or miscarriage). I grieved the fantasy that I had assigned to the dream of having a "fantasy" child. Once I arrived in the acceptance stage, life became lighter and easier. Now I did not say less challenging, however, after using the stages to work through life challenges with Devan. I applied it to other areas of my life like motherhood, marriage, relationships, and career. You can apply this approach to all areas of life. Such as layoff, divorce, or any loss. In the next few posts, I will elaborate in detail how I approached some other challenges by placing in the stages theory.

Until next time....Be Thankful!

-Ameshica